"I Love Being Alone!"

Why is it that some people hate being alone? I fucking LOVE it! Look, if I had a girlfriend, I'd have to fucking talk to her and be nice and buy her stupid little pieces of worthless junk and take her places. Then, I'd have to smile and be polite when she buys me stupid little pieces of worthless junk; and I'd have to keep it somewhere conspicuous in my apartment, when all I really want to do is throw it away right in front of her. I'd be playing a video game or something when she'd call and I'd say "Can I call you back in a few minutes, I'm playing a game here." And the bitch gets all upset! Fuck, if I called her while she was painting her nails, she'd ask to call me back later, right? Oh, and that one fucking time I didn't open my car door for her and she fucking explodes? Look, sometimes I'll open the door and sometimes I won't, what's the big fucking deal? When's the last time she did anything for me? Consider even friendship: you wanna go to a movie, you call some friends who are busy or don't want to go or want to see a different movie. Shit! Now you have to compromise. Even though you wanted to see that stupid zombie comedy, other people want to see that stupid computer animated forest animal bullshit, and other people want to watch the African warlord movie. Fuck 'em, go watch what you want to watch and enjoy it. You go on a roadtrip and you want to go to a museum, no one else on your road trip wants to go to the museum, they want to go to a club and dance to shitty Euro-techno-rave-house-jungle crap. Fuck 'em, it's your car, drop them at a bus stop and go to the museum. Better yet, go on your next roadtrip alone. Stop to piss whenever you want, listen to whatever you want, swerve all over the road, do whatever you want! Just remember, some men ARE islands.