"Life"

It's not something specific that's making me angry, well, it is sort of. It's not one specific type of thing, just a general type of ignorance among people. Whenever I even think something I say or do might offend, hurt, or otherwise belittle and demean someone else, I put myself in their shoes and go all golden rule, and I just wish others would do the same. For example: My hypocritical father always tells me something that annoys him and I shouldn't do it anymore, but when I tell him something downright pisses me off, he says, "Okay, I'll stop doing it." but what he really means is "Okay, I'll stop doing it until you've cooled down enough for me to do it again and get off with just a warning." Don't get me wrong, I love my father, but I hate hypocrites. The other ignorance of mankind that just pisses me off is the fact no one notices me. Sure, people will say hi, and bye, hold the door, and other small gestures, but these are all generic greetings and courtesies that should be extended to anyone. I'm not just anyone. I'm me, god dammit and I want to be respected like an individual person, not just some generic blade of grass seemingly like every other in the field and looked over!! I just want to have some sort of acknowledgement from other people, know that I'm not just another blade of grass and will be stepped all over just like all the other generics like me. I go to a private school with about 20 kids in my grade, all of whom are in my class. I'm in middle school. I have had little to no change in my social life since 6th grade. I am now in 8th. I understand people go through school like this, even through high school and college, but I don't want to be those people!! I want to be more than I am now, I want to be happy. I believe in karma (I"m not Hindu, I'm Christian Catholic), and I have tried to be nothing short of a medal earning samaritan, yet I am still ignored by the people I try to befriend and the girl I like. I am slipping, and I can't keep being a saintly little samaritan for much longer without bursting into flames and burning the few friends I have. If someone, anyone, I am kind to day in and day out, would so much as look at me and say, "Hey, what's up?" it would make my day. That's how far down I am. I don't expect an answer from anyone, I don't expect advice. Getting it would be helpful, but that's not what I came for. I came to let my emotions out on a public webpage so people like me know that there are other people in the world like this. I came to let my emotions out into a crowd of unbiased people like yourselves and make my self feel better. In my opinion, only 10% of good deeds done are strictly for other people with no strings of profit tying back to the owner. Of those 10%, only 10% of that (1%) are of people that regularly do it. Next time you see someone down in the dumps, ask what's wrong, or extend a friendly greeting or non-condescending piece of advice on how to improve their life and make them happier. I guarantee it will make you feel good about yourself. Even if they say Fuck off, you can say you tried to be a helpful person and know that you are a good person at heart. I guess that's why I do what I do (The whole samaritan thing), to make myself and others feel good, even if only for that reason. Who knows, maybe some day it will comeback to me in a good way. Maybe not, but at least I know I did what I thought was right. I can only hope now, that after everything I've said, you will find someone like me in your life, take a good long look at them, and say to yourself, "I know exactly what will cheer them up." and then do that. 3/5 times you will find yourself in a good place because of it. I'm not gonna sugarcoat the 60% odds, (unfortunately, I usually fall into the 40%), but more than half is good, and when you know you've done something to help someone else, you'll feel good. Please, help people like me. Just be kind, make people happy. It would mean the world to me, how do you think it would feel to that loner always sitting alone at lunch? Thanks for reading guys, I haven't read this through yet and don't even remember where I began. Sorry to go off track and waste your time if this isn't what your looking for. Peace and happiness be with you, and good fortune find you, even in the darkest of corners.

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